Here I am at 38 at the Wildflower Triathlon in 2013. I'd never been more fit, and I thought I felt great. I worked out hard every day and I was excelling at 3 different sports. It was my life, and I felt strong and capable physically. The progress I made fueled my desire to do it more, and I thought that if I just kept working out I would finally achieve what I wanted my whole life: the perfect body. I was so close, but I still had a ways to go in my mind.

I remember seeing this picture and feeling my self esteem dissolve as I looked at the perceived rolls on my stomach. My thighs looked gigantic. You could see it plain as day I thought, and the pictures don’t lie. The truth was so apparent to me and I believed it whole-heartedly. In my eyes I was still fat, no matter how hard I tried.

Now it’s 2018, and I just came across this image, right after writing a blog post on how your ideal body is the one you have. Today, my thought pattern went like this: "Damn, I look good! I'm strong, capable, confident, and happy. And my body looks amazing! Stomach, what stomach? Did I really think I was horribly fat and unattractive when I first saw this? Wow, that’s crazy. I’ve come so far.” Today I choose to celebrate and honor the authentic and perfect me, and my confidence has never been higher.

The perfect body is a funny topic, because all bodies are perfect. They house our souls, they heal our wounds, and they are resilient. They can become healthier as we learn to take care of them, or they can morph into a state of disease depending on how we treat them, or our individual circumstances. Learning to see my body as being perfect no matter how in shape I am has been a journey. And today’s observation was life changing. I believe that if we change the dialogue with ourselves that we can look back at our former selves, forgive ourselves for how harsh we have been, and move forward celebrating our perfection as we are.