The propensity for perfection is something that I’ve always struggled with. For years it kept me from pushing out my art to the world, and it stifled my creativity. I was caught in an endless spiral, one that kept me from fulfilling my true calling as an artist. It took a long time to build my confidence so that I was able to start my boudoir business, and it wasn't an easy road. I've struggled with doubt, insecurity and fear along the way.
I remember early on thinking about what I wanted my business to be. I knew I wanted to help women embrace their true and authentic self. So I was confronted by a mentor with the truth that if I didn’t accept my body the way it was I could never give the experience to another woman. How could I expect them to come to love themselves when i was not willing do it myself?
At first I hid from turning the lens on myself, making the same excuses I hear my potential clients use all the time. Thoughts like “I’ll do a shoot once I lose 10 lbs,” or “If only I could let go of my self-consciousness” haunted me, and as a result I had to look deep into the things that made me insecure about my body and my life. What I found was surprising and colored all aspects of my life. Where I was was the direct result of the feelings of insecurity, and it was not where I wanted to be. However, the actions I was taking guaranteed that my mindset and therefore my life was unable to shift up until that point.
If I couldn’t overcome my problem with being insecure I couldn't move forward in carrying out my mission. I was inadvertently squashing any opportunity to shift my mindset and therefore change my life. This ensured that I would stay stuck in the dialogue of self-doubt. Those thought patterns solidified my fears and insecurities. It was the equivalent of being in a mental hamster cage, and around and around I would go, not understanding why I couldn’t move forward.
Once I realized that I was falling into the same trap of a lack of acceptance of myself I challenged myself to change my way of thinking. I replaced negative self talk with appreciation and gratitude for all that I had been through up to that point. It wasn't easy, but I educated myself on the ways we tear ourselves down afraid of failure, and vowed to make different choices in my present life and my future. The process was transforming.
Not only was I able to see myself in a new light, I had so much confidence from seeing my true internal and external beauty through the lens of positivity. The shift in attitude was so profound that I was inspired to make my photography business take off. I worked on crafting a space in which other women could experience their own journey into self acceptance and love, and it has been amazing to be there to guide my clients through that and experience their journey with them.
I love the way I touch the lives of others by following my true calling. In the process of becoming a better version of myself I no longer get stuck in the negative thought patterns that previously got to me. Although they still come around on occasion I let them pass through me and then let them go. I choose to keep only the viewpoints that solidify a positive outlook on myself and on life.
How you feel about yourself directly impacts the type of life you have, and I’m determined not to let fear and insecurity be my guide anymore. I embrace the side of me that crafts a life of fulfillment, one that satisfies my true calling to love myself and to be a guiding light for women on their individual journeys. I guard my self worth as if my life depended on it. Because, put simply, it does. And I am grateful for my newfound courage to boldly be who I am.